Dear Jon Papelbon,
I'm really sorry that you had such a horrible time in Japan. I know it must have been horrific, having to fly on that private team jet and getting paid $40,000 on top of your annual salary to go play baseball. I'm sure there are thousands of soldiers in Iraq that would agree you had it pretty bad. I definitely wouldn't want to be in your position, playing in front of a sold out stadium filled with fans who are dying to see you.
Honestly, I don't even know how you do it. You, and apparently all professional athletes, have it a lot harder than I thought. God forbid that I were forced to play a game and get paid millions for it. You're right, I wouldn't wish that on anyone. I had no idea how rough it was for you, and all the other whiny, filthy-rich athletes.
Seriously, Pap, are you really whining that you had to eat exotic Japanese cuisine? And look, I've never even escaped North America, so please don't bitch about having to go on an all-expenses-paid trip to Japan to play a game. And don't forget the extra 40 grand that you got just to show up. And how can you call this a sacrifice?
This guy is an idiot.
Thanks to Big League Stew for finding this one and Red Sox Monster for the original video.